It kills me to see him like this, so distraught, so out of my reach. He's clothed in sadness, in depression. Nothing I can do will make him smile. There's no happiness about him, he's simply ghosting through his life. I know that deep down, he still cares for me, though. If it weren't for that, I honestly believe he'd be gone, buried. His body six feet under and his spirit following me. I decide it's time to end this miserable day, and gently grab ahold of Harry's hands, leading him to our bedroom. I help him undress and do so myself before we climb into bed. I place the blanket over us as we fall into a dreamless sleep.
I'm awoken a few hours later by a clanging in the bathroom. I know instantly what's happened, he's done it again. I sprint to the bathroom in hopes of stopping it before it gets worse. The sight before me is horrifying, absolutely wretched. Harry is showered in blood, tears streaming down his beautiful face. Why? Why does he have to feel this way? Why can't I save him?
After I've cleaned and disinfected the wounds, we head back to bed in utter silence. But I can't just let it go this time, something has to be said. "Harry, you know I love you, right? You know that I'd do absolutely anything for you, you know that don't you?" I ask gently, my eyes watering.
"Yes, and I love you, too. I know I don't show it like I should, but I just can't. I literally can't. You don't know how badly I want to, I really do. You deserve better, Gracie. You need someone who can make you happy, someone who can show their love for you because I can't." He was full on sobbing. His lean body was shaking harder than I'd ever seen it.
"Harry, I understand, I do. And I'm not leaving, not now, not ever. I love you too much for that. You're gonna get better, I know it. We'll get through this, I promise. I love you so, so much. Please stop hurting yourself, it kills me, it literally kills me to see you this way. All I want is for you to be happy again, and if it takes my whole life, I'll do it, I'll spend my entire life trying to make you happy again because that's all that matters to me."
He smiled, he actually smiled. After all this time, I got to see a sliver of those precious dimples and a hint of brightness in his dreamy, green eyes. He leaned in ever so slowly and kissed me. He kissed me with so much love and such a burning passion that I knew he was going to be okay, we were going to be okay. Harry was a survivor, and I was his savior.